DrFeelgood
by lokli2
Summary: Naruto is the teacher of love and kiba, who has a crush on Hinata, needs a few lessons.Kiba wants Hinata, Naruto wants Hinata, Hana wants Naruto, and nobody wants Kiba.WARNING:Not for kiba lovers, HinaNaruHana.
1. The Job

Hey everybody, Lokli2 here with a brand new fic. I've been listening to a lot of Motley Crue, and when this idea just popped in my head I felt it had to be put down on paper. This does not mean I will be putting off my other story, I just wanted to go ahead and get this started so enjoy…

Dr. Feelgood

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_My name is Uzumaki Naruto. You may know me as the village idiot, demon, or as many of my friends simply put: baka. You all know the tale about how Sasuke ran away from Konoha a while back and beat the hell out of me. But what you don't know is that after I fought him at the valley of the end, I did not go off for two years of training. I was far too injured to go on for at least another seven weeks. Then something miraculous happened, although it seems uninteresting, I made my nurse fall for me. The point is that I found I always know what to say to a woman to make her feel "special". Don't get me wrong I like women and I didn't use this power just to make-out with girls whenever I felt lonely. I only used it on women that I figured I could have a chance at actually loving. But after a while my pocket wasn't feeling quite as heavy as it usually was so I decided to put my little talent to work. I got various offers from desperate men. For instance whenever Shikamaru finally wanted to get Ino, I helped him seal the deal. It's really quite simple: Tell the girl what she wants to hear. But don't worry I'm always the one that finds that out. That day when the dog-guy called me, I thought it would be just another job. Oh, how wrong I was._

"Hello, is this doctor Feelgood?" I heard through the receiver.

"Yeah I'm him. Whatcha need?"

"Well there's this girl that I really like. She's on my team, but I want to take the relationship farther. The only problem is…"

"You don't know how to." I cut him off. "Well meet me at ichiraku ramen at 3 and we'll smooth out the details." And with that I hung up. Little did I know that this was gonna be the best job of my life.

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_Three O'clock at Ichiraku ramen._

I found the dog-punk at the stand, his pathetic little dog eating some of the miso pork right out of his bowl. I then walked up behind him.

"No matter who she is she won't want the dog eating off her plate."

"What's it to you." He said as he turned around and recognized me, "Get out of here Naruto I'm meeting someone here in a few minutes."

So I decided that I would go ahead and tell him who I was, "Doctor Feelgood at your service." I said as I gave him a grin.

"Look Naruto, I really don't have the tim…" He paused, "Did you you just say you were _Doctor Feelgood?"_ He whispered the last words.

I nodded then said, "I'm guessing it's Hinata?"

'_How did he know?'_ The boy thought, but because of the idiotic look on his face, I enlightened him, "You're practically stalking her how could I miss? You really think I'm stupid don't you."

"Sorry, never really thought it was that obvious. I brought pictures in case you need them." Kiba replied throwing out pictures of Hinata and ooh-la-la there's one of her in the shower. I couldn't help the perverted smile that crossed my face. Quickly looking at my face he realized which picture he had thrown out. He quickly tried to grab it but naturally being better in every way meant I was faster, therefore could grab the photo first. "Gimme that back. I had to risk my neck getting that!" But just as he said that someone with milky eyes entered the ramen shop.

"H-hello, N-naruto-kun, Kiba-kun." 'Damn she certainly has changed!' I said eyeing my client's prize. 'Maybe just this once I shouldn't let my services be bought.' 'I know, I could just act like I'm trying hard, still get paid at-least half then get Hinata for myself.'

I quickly slipped Kiba a note with what to say. And being the fool he was, _he did it!_

"Oh, Hinata how are you on this fine youth-filled day? How is your sexy cousin?" He said, his words full of exuberance I had to bite every square mili-meter of my mouth trying hard not to laugh, while on the inside I was busting out. Kiba then looked at me quizzically so I mouthed to him, _"Trust me I know what I'm doin."_ Being the dolt he was just kept going. "Oh my lazy-eyed sweetheart how would you like to go out with me tomorrow night?"

I gave her a quick nod that dog-boy didn't see, and she agreed to go with him. Hey if it were up to me, she would be goin out with me tonight but I'm next to broke and to entertain a lovely young Hyuuga you have to have some coin.

After a scarring and disturbing conversation with the normally usual Kiba she got the hell outta there. "Ok tonight I'm coming over to your place round six to help you pick out some nice threads. Be ready for me."

"Will do." He replied obediently like a trained dog. Oh man this is gonna be fun.

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Ladies and gentlemen, as I said earlier I was listening to a lot of the crue when I decided to do this fic but I was also watching some will smith movies and I thought, _I bet Will Smith would be great as some kind of match-maker or better yet… a date doctor._ But I figured I don't really have the cash to make a will smith movie, and really felt in the mood for some kiba bashing, so I wrote this. If I get some good reviews I will continue asap R&R. Lokli2 OUT.


	2. Getting Ready

L2 here with your tasty new installment of Dr.Feelgood. Remember to R&R. Until then dance! Yes dance with me reader! DANCE THE DANCE OF LIFE!

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_That night at the Inuzuka compound_

Knock

"Hey chewtoy get the door." I heard an extremely sexy voice say from outside the door. "Damnit dog treat get your ass down here and answer the door! If I have to go get it, I swear you'll be sorry!"

I remember thinking, 'Hmm this could be pretty fun' so naturally I knocked a hell of a lot louder.

**KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK**

"KIBA, YOU HAVE TO THE COUNT OF 3. 1, 2…

"I'm coming, I'm coming."

Finally the door opened revealing Inuzuka Kiba. Getting the royal crap kicked out of him by his sister. Being the team player I am, I thought that I should get in there. In the end Kiba did not look pretty. "So you're that, um Naruko kid right?"

"Um, it's, uh, Naruto. But, uh yeah, who the hell are you?"

"Kiba I'm disappointed in you, why would you not want your friends to know about me?" The still unknown girl said putting on a fake pout.

"Well, maybe it's because you're a COMPLETE AND TOTAL PSHYCO!" "Chewtoy" replied.

"Well Naruto-kun, my name is Inuzuka Hana, somehow I'm this idiot's sister."

"Inuzuka Hana, it is a great pleasure to meet you." I said while flashing her a foxy grin, and giving her a wink, while she blushed.

"It's, uh, nice to meet you Naruto-kun."

"Come on "doctor"." Kiba said extremely sarcastically. So we headed up to his room with a few wild and completely insane misadventures. But finally we arrived.

"What the… Do you have some kind of dog fetish or some thing like that?" You would not believe this dorks room there were only enlarged pictures of Akamaru and others of Hinata, in which it seems she did not know the picture was being taken. But I was never prepared for what I found on his computer. "What the hell." I said on the verge of yelling. The second I turned on the computer, I was greeted with a photoshopped wallpaper of a porno picture with the heads cut out and replaced with his and Hinata's. "I don't know what is going on in that extremely messed up head of yours and I am going to thank God each and every day that I don't have to."

"You can't tell me that you've never cut out the heads out of a porno and put yours and Sakura's in." He said defiantly.

"Well there was that one time…" I said, sarcasm dripping like venom, "Of course not you moron!"

"Bite me."

"Whatever let's just take a look at what you have to wear." Yet again I was greeted with idiocy as I opened his closet. "Jacket, jacket, jacket, GODDAMN JACKET, what the hell is wrong with you? You and Hinata should start the "If it's not a jacket we don't wear it" club. Thank God that I decided to bring this along." I said as I whipped out a scroll. After a few quick seals a backpack full of clothes appeared. "Let's see what I set aside for ya. Aha." I pulled out some baggy black jeans, a jinco shirt with a wild dog on it, and a pair of vans. "Put that on." The dumbass went into the bathroom and started to change so I walked over to the door. "Come on in Hana." I said opening the door. Hana just looked shocked. That's when a pretty good idea struck me. "Hana would you like to go out with me tonight?"

"Um, yea sure." She said caught off guard. Inside she was jumping up and down clapping her hands.

Kiba then walked out of the bathroom in the outfit I brought for him, "Good enough. Oh and Kiba your sister and I are doubling with you."

"Wait a minute, we never agreed on that."

So I got right next to him and whispered in his ear, "Look man, it's a hell of a lot easier to tell you what to do if I'm right next to you, and not hiding behind a plant somewhere."

"Ok whatever."

"Alright let's see what we have to work with, with your hair." I spoke after Hana left.

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_Five minutes later in the bathroom_

"What the hell man dog shampoo, dog brush, flea collar, RED FACE PAINT!"

"Yeah get this most people think that those kick ass things on my face are birth marks."

"YOU ARE THE BIGGEST, MOST IDIOTIC MORON THAT I HAVE EVER HAD THE DISPLEASURE OF KNOWING!"

"What's the matter Naruto?" Hana said entering the room.

"YOUR BROTHER IS A COMPLETE IDIOT! DID YOU KNOW THAT HE DOESN'T HAVE A SINGLE BOTTLE OF HAIR GEL?"

"Kiba, I told you we should have picked some up last time we went to the store."

"Just forget it." I finally said. "Me and Hinata will be by here to pick up you two at seven, k pumpkin?"

"Whatever just get the hell out."

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_Six fifty that night _

Things were off to a… not so good start, but tonight would be great. I vowed to make it one of the best and most fun nights of my life. I mean this is where I finally get to make a move on Hinata. Little did I know that Hana had far different plans…

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_Hana's pov_

"I just can't wait to be out with sweet Naru- kun. Me and him are going to have such a fun time. I might even let him, hehehehehe."

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_Kiba's pov_

"Naruto you better know what your doing or else." I said to myself, "I can't believe that I finally get to go out Hinata. My love we are going to have so much fun tonight."

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_Hinata's pov_

"I can't believe that I have to go on a date with Kiba. Why does he have the hots for me? I love Naruto. Hmmmmm Naruto, some day you and I will get married and have so many children. sigh I wish I could go out with him tonight."

Knock.

"I'm coming Kiba."

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_Naruto's pov_

"Tonight is gonna be great." I said to myself as I waited outside my sweet Hina-chan's door.

"Ok I'm ready." She said as she began to open the door, but the second she laid eyes on me she was out like a light.

"Hey Hinata. Hinata, HINATA.

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There ya have it, chapter two hope ya like it and remember to REVIEW. Happy trails in fanfiction land. L2 OUT!


	3. The Date Pt1

L2 with some written love. Oh yeah I also included the next chapter of Dr.Feelgood. So please enjoy sweetheart. Oh yeah read the sentence like that baby. Oh my love you know how I like it.

I don't own Naruto, but if I did it would have Jack Sparrow and there wouldn't be any clouds in the way of the sexy jutsu.

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_Six fifty-five the big night_

"Hinata come on I need ya awake tonight." Slowly she began to wake up and the second she realized who I was she just freaked. Really holding her in my arms was when I realized that this was the first time I was ever really nervous in my life. I couldn't help but notice the looks of the girl, scratch that, angel that was laying in my arms. She was wearing a sparkly pink shirt that excellently extenuated her, um, assets, yeah lets say that, with a pair of tight hip-hugger blue jeans, and sneakers. Her black hair was flowing down to her shoulders, and in her hand, even thought she was passed out, she held the tiniest black purse. I gotta say she was lookin _fiiiine_.

"Na-naruto-kun…" She said wearily as consciousness slowly flowed back into her body. "What are you doing here?" She asked breaking me from my trance.

"Oh, uh, I forgot to tell you that me and Hana are doubling with you and Kiba tonight."

"Oh, ok Naruto-kun." She replied. To tell you the truth I was kind of disappointed at her reaction. I was really hoping that she would be a little more excited. Little did I know that truthfully Hinata was just as excited as I was, she just has a hard time showing it, but that's neither here or there.

"Well go ahead and hop in my car, we're going to pick up Kiba and Hana."

"Ok Naruto-kun."

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_Ten minutes later in Naruto's car_

"Hey can I take a look at your music?" Hinata asked me. "I mean I wouldn't want to be a nuisance." She said as I looked straight into her eyes and she into mine.

'My god.' I thought, 'You could get lost in those eyes forever.' "Nonsense," I replied, "I have never known you to be a nuisance and would not mind at all if you look at my music."

"Hmm, what's this _Doctors mix_?" She asked as she put in the cd. But then a voice began to sing.

_Doctor, doctor gimme the news,_

_I gotta, bad case of lovin you._

"Oh this is a good one." I said as the music continued to play. "Well we're here." I said as I pulled up to the driveway of the Inuzuka compound.

As I pulled up I saw the forms of two people standing outside the house. As I pulled closer I began to recognize them as Hana and Kiba, and _damn_ was Hana lookin hot that night, wearing an extremely tight black shirt that said "Bitch" in silver glitter, with a picture of a female dog below it. She was also wearing a black leather miniskirt, with various buckles and metal rings hanging from it. Kiba was wearing the jeans with the dog shirt I gave to him. As I pulled up Kiba jumped in the back seat and asked Hinata if she was going to sit in the back with him. I was extremely annoyed at the fact that Hinata had to move, and I think she was as well.

Hana jumped in the front with me as she said, "How's it goin foxy?" She then flashed me a sweetly seductive smile.

"So where we goin tonight TGIF, Johnny Corinoes, Chilis?" I asked the group of people in my car.

"Well I was kind of hoping for Italian." Surprisingly enough it was Hinata that said it.

So I replied, "Italian sounds good to me." But the moron Kiba decides to break one of the biggest rules of dating.

"Well I'm really in the mood for meat." So I quickly looked back at him and motioned up to a small compartment in the ceiling. When Hinata looked away for a moment he opened it up and out fell my message that said,

_Dating rule number eleven_

_No matter what, the girl always, ALWAYS, picks the place._

"But Italian works for me as well." He spoke up.

"Well I know this great place called Venizia's that makes the best stuffed mushrooms that I have ever tasted." I said, but I also know the owners and they don't mind giving me a discount when I'm on a date, hehehe.

And we were off as the music changed to a rhythmic metal guitar beat, and motley crue took over

_He's the one they call doctor feelgood_

_He's the one that make ya feel alright_

_He's the one they call doctor feelgood_

_And he's gonna be yo frankenstein._

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_Fifteen minutes later at the resturaunt_

"Here we are." I said as I pulled up.

I quickly ran around and opened up Hana's door. "Why thank you my sweet Naru-kun." The girl said right before she planted one right on my lips.

Nobody noticed but Hinata was fuming at this.

As we approached the door, I shot ahead so I could make sure to be the one to hold the door. "Here you go Hinata-chan." I said with a slight bow.

"Arigato Naruto-kun."

"Hana-chan next." I said with another bow.

"Oh thank you so very much Naruto-kun. You are such a gentleman." Remembering what happened outside the car, I quickly evaded the oncoming kiss.

"Let's go ladies." I said as I let go of the door purposely and it smashed Kiba right in the face.

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_Two minutes later at the table_

"Where were you Kiba-kun?" Hinata asked. So I quickly handed him a note.

"Oh Hinata-chan I was reveling in the beauty of some stray dogs attacking a homeless man on the street." The moron read off of the small sheet of paper.

"Well that's just fantastic Kiba." Hana said so sarcastically, that it could probably kill a small child.

"Is there anything I could get for you kids?" The waitress asked after she appeared out of nowhere.

"Um, yeah we wanna start out with some mozzarella sticks and some stuffed mushrooms." I replied.

This time I didn't even have to give Kiba a note as he said, "Yum, the mushroom and cheese are the most delicious of any of the funguses."

The two girls and I looked repulsed but inwardly I was smiling. 'Wow' I thought, 'he really is catching on to this.'

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Sorry everyone it was going to be longer but it's five thirty in the morning. Now I would like to know if I should take this to a hana/naru, hina/naru, or hina/naru/hana? Well drop me a review and also check out my other story love and stomach cramps. Check ya later. L2 OUT.


	4. The Date Pt2

Ladies and gents it be me L2 here with some sexy sexy story but before I do that I got some sexy sexy shout outs.

The magically delicious Cookie aka Lala

Zenithar the space man

The frightening Midnight-angel-of-darkness

Ok whatever Ummyea

The sexy sexy SandGoddess

The pretty small Bigbabidi

Hope master, the light bringer

The Italian fifa team

And I am the cat.

I am really sorry if I missed anybody but if I did, I now give you the license to shoot me ONCE  and ONLY ONCE

WARNING: this chapter of the story _Dr.Feelgood_ has a seen of above average karaoke singing. If you ,by any means, dislike karaoke, leave now.

I chime in with a

"Haven't you people ever heard that

I don't own Naruto, no?"

It's much better to face these kinds of things

With a sense of humor and writing ability

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"Just sit down chewtoy, and don't say anything like that for the rest of dinner." Hana said over the humming background of the, quite occupied, restaurant.

"Actually," This time it was Hinata that spoke up, "maybe you shouldn't say anything at all." And at that moment, the milky-eyed girl pulled a roll of duct tape out of her purse, and let out a battle screech, "AYEYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYI" as she jumped across the table tackling Kiba to the ground. After a good while of struggling Hana helped me pull Kiba and Hinata apart. I was pulling on Hinata's lower stomach, so when they finally came apart, Hinata fell right on top of me.

When I looked up I realized that Hana was looking PISSED. My face paled to the whitest shade of white you would have ever seen, for I just realized that during the struggle my hands had slid up _a little too far._ "Oh, Naru-kun I didn't realize you like me this much." Came the sweetly soft voice of the girl in my hands. Next I realized that her nipples were starting to stand up and I quickly let go of the female Hyuuga and began to back away thinking, 'Damn this chick is insane.' Little did I know that our waitress was standing directly behind me, holding our appetizers, and as I kept backing away she didn't notice me. Then our bodies collided, with all the food hitting the floor, I couldn't stop cursing profusely.

After our small incident I just told her to bring us all spaghetti, but that was when the owner of the restaurant, and my good friend Giovanni came to me. "Naruto, how are you tonight, my friend?" He asked in his Italian accent. I just gave him a frustrated look that meant something was annoying me. To that he replied, "Well my friend I am sorry that your night is not going so well, but…" He left off as he leaned closer to me, so that only I could hear, "if you do your song I will give you a very nice discount." He said as he pointed to the stage that was at the far end of the room.(stormy 341 if your reading this I'm sorry that I used the same song as you, I just think that it was perfect for the situation.)

I just nodded my compliance, stood up, and grabbed Hana's hand, so that she would follow me. "Where are we going my sweet Naru-kun?" She spoke up as we arrived at the stage.

"Just take the mic and sing what's on the screen. Ok? You'll do great." I said as I gave her a small kiss on the cheek.

"Anything for you Naru-kun." So I took my place at the keyboard right in the middle of the stage, and started up a slow, wave-like, beat. And the singing began.

_I still hear you voice,_

_When you sleep next to me._

_I can still feel your touch,_

_In my dreams._

Then I threw some bells into the beat.

_Forgive me my weakness,_

_But I don't know why,_

_Without you it's hard to surviiiiiiive._

Next I added a nice techno beat, and someone else began to sing

_Cause every time we touch _

_I get this feeling,_

_And every time we kiss_

_I swear I could fly_

Then I looked up and realized that Hinata had grabbed another mic and was singing

_Can't you hear my heart beat fast,_

_I want this to last_

_Need you by my side_

_Cause every time we touch,_

_I feel the static_

_And every time we kiss,_

_I reach for the sky_

The white-eyed girl complied as she sung and began to walk towards me

_Can't you hear my heart beat so_

She sung as she put her hand on her chest and did a thumping motion

_I can't let you go_

We were now face to face and she continued singing

_Want you in my life_

As our lips were about to meet, she was ripped away by Hana so I sped up the beat of the song and it was like a ballet/fight with one always throwing punches and the other dodging gracefully. I didn't notice because I was too caught up in the song but Kiba was gnashing his teeth and pouring anything he could reach into my noodles. But as I began to slow down the beat, Hana began to sing again.

_Your arms are my castle,_

_Your heart is my sky,_

She sang as she looked seductively at me

_They wipe away the tears that I cry_

She said as she put on a fake pout as I sped the beat up again and the girls sang together

_The good and the bad times,_

_We've been through them all_

_You make me rise when I faaaaall_

And Hinata took over completely, while Hana thought that it would be a good opportunity to make a move on me

_Cause every time we touch_

_I get this feeling_

Hinata sang as Hana came up behind me, and put her arms around my stomach, and began kissing my face.

_And every time we kiss_

_I swear I could fly_

That's when Hinata realized what was going on over at my keyboard and came to the rescue, and pulled Hana off of me so that she would start singing again. So Hana picked up where Hinata left off, while Hinata began to harass me herself.

_Can't you hear my heart beat fast,_

_I want this to last_

Hana came and grabbed Hinata and they started to sing together side by side.

_Need you by my side_

_Cause every time we touch_

_I feel the static_

_And every time we kiss_

_I reach for the sky_

At this, Hinata, who was on the crowds left, had her microphone in her right hand and stuck up her left, as Hana, who's mic was in her left hand, stuck up her right.

_Can't you hear my heart beat so,_

_I can't let you go_

_I want you in my life_

And they both ran over to stand by me, so that Hinata was on my right, and Hana my left.

_Cause every time we touch_

_I get this feeling_

_And every time we kiss_

_I swear I could fly_

_Can't you feel my heart beat fast_

They sang as they both looked at me, and ran a hand down my chest.

_I want this to last,_

_Need you by my side_

And my music abruptly stopped as they both kissed me on the cheek.

The audience was in an uproar over the song they just heard. After a twenty minute standing ovation, Giovanni worked his way up to the front of the stage and said, "Naruto that was the most amazing show I have ever seen, your meal is on the house tonight."

"Thanks Gio, but go ahead and get someone to box it up we've got plans." I replied with gusto.

"Anything you ask, my friend, and if you ever need something don't be afraid to stop by sometime."

Little did any of us know that there was a brooding Itachi sitting over at the bar talking to himself. "Damnit" he said, "Why the hell can't sasuke be that cool? I've got an idea. Let's go Kisame." He said to the fish tank. "Damnit Kisame listen to me." He said to the fish tank.

"Hey man, ready to go?" Kisame said as he walked up behind the angry Uchiha.

"Damn Kisame how did you get out of the fish tank?"

"Itachi, that's a shark."

"Whatever let's go. I have schemes."

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There you have it another chapter tasty chapter of Dr.Feelgood.

Truth is I'm really feeling good myself cause I got my learners permit today so I decided to write a new chapter. Now I am thinking about writing a one chapter songfic depending on the feedback from this chapter, so leave a review. Also the polls for the pairing of this story will be open until I release the next chapter so please be a patriot and vote. Also in case I don't get out the next chapter of this story in time Red Jumpsuit Apparatus album drops July 18 so please pick it up. Until next time, remember don't Panic At The Disco. L2 OUT.


	5. The Date Pt3

Yay 21 reviews make me so happy happy makes me want to dance. As of now the standings for the polls is as follows: H/N/H 2 and a half

Hana/Naru 2

Hina/Naru 1 and a half

Therefore this sexy sexy story shall be H/N/H. Now on with the story that's so utterly tasty, it needs two disclaimers.

Naruto, Naruto, Naruto, GODDAMNIT NARUTO! I SHOULD START THE "IF IT'S NARUTO I DON'T OWN IT" CLUB.

Now for pirate L2

I've got a jar of dirt; I've got a jar of dirt and guess what's inside. Not Naruto because I don't own that.

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As we were leaving the club Kiba pulled me off to the side to talk to him. "Damnit Naruto what the hell were you doing up there?" He snarled at me, with daggers shooting out of his eyes.

"I believe I was playing the keyboard. You are such an idiot, I mean who has never seen someone play the keyboard? Moron." I replied taking any opportunity I could to make him look stupid.

Quickly wiping away the blush that had risen on his face, he pulled himself together to ask again, "No, I mean with Hinata. I saw that you were about to kiss her."

"Look man I, uh…" I just gotta thank God for alcohol, for a drunk Kakashi was running from the police at the same moment. And as it became my turn to speak the silver-haired man was tackled to the ground by an ANBU doing his part to help the police. Kakashi quickly jumped up.

"Damnit I didn wansha be drunk in public! I wantes to be drshunk in a bar. They throwded me into public!" He annunciated the last word very clearly, as to mock the policeman that was reading his charges.

This, of course, gave me a few good seconds to think up and excuse for the question. "Just go along with what I do. You got that? That means if I break into song you do the same. If I make a move, you make a move. And with Hinata I was the appetizer, you're the main course." I said lying through my teeth.

"Oh ok. You should have said that at the beginning." Yep you guessed it, the fool believed it. Sometimes I feel bad for making fun of the retarded. (so everyone knows I'm down with anyone with learning disabilities. NOT meant to insult anybody.) Yeah, I know Kiba isn't clinically retarded, but come on, Timmy from South Park would have caught on by now.

"Hey boys are you coming?" Came the sickeningly seductive voice of Hana. I jerked my head around realizing that I didn't have my keys. But I gotta say that Hinata looked amazing behind the wheel of my mustang. Seeing two women that good looking in my car, I couldn't help but let my eyes flare up for a minute.

"Yeah babe we're coming." I replied. "Ok Hinata time to get out of my seat." As she got out of the car she took my face into her hand and pulled me close. She kept pulling me closer and closer until we were eye-to-eye.

Our faces were about to touch, "Oh Naruto," she said as I let my animal instinct take over, and kept moving closer, "Why are your eyes red?" And I faceplanted two feet into the cement.

I quickly got to my feet and replied, "Oh that, yeah, I think I was supposed to take my contacts out tonight."

"Whatever let's go, I wanna go, where are we going Naru-kun?" Came the voice of Hana.

"Well I figured we would go to the movies."

"What's playing?" Hinata asked innocently.

"Well there's Pirates of the Caribbean, and the Lake House."

"Gaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrr, I wanna see captain Jack." The dog boy said in his "pirate" accent.

"Too damn bad, me and Hinata want to see the lake house." Hana said. That's when Kiba got a mischievous look in his eye. "And Kiba, you have to see it with us. Mom and dad say I can't let you out of my sight."

"Damn."

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_Across town in a small hideout_

"Ok Kisame do you get the plan?" Asked an anxious loking Itachi.

"Um, yeah, I guess so." Replied a confused looking Kisame, "Just how do you plan for this to work?"

"You see, having Orochimaru in Akatsuki did have it's upsides."

"I don't remember any."

"Goddamnit Kisame, if I've told you once, I've told you a billion times, if you interrupt me I'm going to kill your family, and give you the "Hate me/ despise me" speech. But I have launched a gene altering potion that usually takes about three days to completely work."

"Ok that sounds cool. What are we going to do till the potion takes effect?" Kisame questioned.

"Wanna get baked?"

"I thought that you'd never ask."

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_Fifteen minutes later at the movie theater_

"Kiba get away from the pirates door we're in this theater over here." Hana said to her moronic baby brother.

"No I must see Jack Sparrow, he is my homeboy." (here we go towelie parody)

So I pulled out a dime bag of weed. "Kiba you must choose between Pirates of the Caribbean, and getting high. Come on Kiba it's been at least a good thirty seconds since you had a good burn."

"No must not get high, must see captain Jack. Must see captain Jack. DAMNIT GIVE ME THE CRONIC!" And he came rushing at me. For about five minutes we had a bull fight until I finally got Kiba into the oversized room.

"Ok here is your reward for coming to the right movie."

"Yay pot. Damn, the lake house."

After two hours of previews, one hour of advertisements, four hours of behind the scenes look at "The Devil Wears Prada" and other extremely stupid movies, the real movie began.

The lake house wasn't that bad a movie to me. Of course I didn't really watch any of it, I was paying more attention to the girls, which were fighting over making out with me. Kiba was too high to notice so we just had some fun.

After the movie it was time for us to take the girls home. I drove Hana home while Kiba walked Hinata home.

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_The Inuzuka compound_

I got out to walk Hana to the door and as we got to the door, she turned to me and said, "Naruto-kun, I had a great time tonight."

"Yeah it was a lot of fun." I replied.

"We should do it again sometime."

"We'll definitely…" I was cut off as Hana pulled me into a deep and passionate kiss. After about a minute of kissing, I licked her bottom lip asking for entry, and I was gladly granted entrance. Our tongues continued to explore each other's mouths until we both ran out of breath.

"I'll call ya tomorrow, Hana-chan."

"Bye Naruto-kun."

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_Hana's POV_

I entered the house to be greeted by my mother sitting on the couch. "Did you have fun tonight?"

"Mom tonight was… the best night of my life. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, I'm feeling really tired."

"Ok hun goodnight."

As I got up to my room I couldn't stop thinking about the fantastic night I just had. "Oh Naruto-kun," I said to my Naruto plushie, "I wish you could be with me right now." I let out a huge yawn as my mind began to slow down. "Naruto-kun, I… love…you." And I was asleep.

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_At the Hyuuga compound_

"Hinata-chan I had so much fun tonight." Kiba said to the clan heiress.

"Yeah it was pretty fun." The girl said dreamily.

Then dogboy started inching in to kiss the young Hyuuga. Quickly realizing the danger the girl started to back up only to realize that her back was against the door. She pulled out her key as fast as she could, jammed it into the lock, slipped inside and left Kiba faceplanting into the hard mahogany door. For those of you that don't know mahogany is a hard bitch.

As the girl walked in she saw Neji sitting at the kitchen table. "Where is everyone else?"

"They've all gone to bed. I couldn't sleep, so I came down here." The prodigy replied. "It's past one in the morning. So did you have fun?"

"Yeah it was pretty cool, I'll tell you about it tomorrow. I'm feeling really tired. Goodnight Neji."

"'Night Hinata."

The girl just collapsed onto her bed almost instantly falling asleep, but not before uttering one phrase, "Naruto-kun, you will…be…mine."

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_A boy walking across town_

Achoo ACHOO. "Whew I think I might be catching a cold."

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Yay more Naruto tastiness I hope you like it. I am hoping for some reviews full of tastiness. Everyone I know you're tired of them and I think this will probably be the last one, but another poll on whether you would mind or not if Sasuke gets killed. Now that that is out of the way, just a reminder to you, next time you stop by your local music store grab a Red Jumpsuit Apparatus CD. Think about it, if I, the great L2, like it, then it has to be good. (I love shameless plugs :) yay.) Well I wish your day to be full of tastiness, and remember to always carry your jar of sand. L2 OUT.


	6. OMG it's Gaara and Silent Kankurou

St. Jimmy: Where the hell have you been Lokli?

L2: With yo momma.

St. Jimmy: Would you want to talk to a saint like that?

L2: Just because you're a saint doesn't mean you're better than me. You're not even a real saint.

St. Jimmy runs and cries in a corner

Sorry everybody for waiting so long to update. I just needed the right inspiration, and that came today in the form of Jay and Silent Bob strike back. Now don't strike back, but sit back and enjoy the next chapter of _Dr. Feelgood._

Asian man: OMG IT'S GAHZILLA.

It was that fateful day that I lost ownership to Naruto, Jay and Silent Bob, and St. Jimmy.

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_Narrator's POV_

_We open this chapter panning in on Gaara and Kankarou standing in front of a convenience store._

Gaara sings

_Fk, fk, fk_

_Mother, mother fk_

_Mother, mother, fk, fk_

_Mother fk, mother fk_

_Noich noich noich_

_1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4_

_Noich noich noich_

_Smokin weed, smokin wiz_

_Doin coke drinkin beers_

_Drinkin beers, beers, beers_

_Rollin fattys, smokin blunts_

Kankurou moves his hands in a questioning manner remaining completely silent, while Gaara continues singing

_Who smokes the blunts?_

Then Kankurou points at himself and Gaara, as Gaara says,

_We smoke the blunts_

_Rollin blunts and smoking…_

And Gaara was interrupted as Kiba and Shino walk up to Gaara and Kankurou and ask, "Yo can we get a nickel bag?" As Gaara starts to sing again,

_Fifteen bucks, little man_

_Put that shit, in my hand_

_If that money doesn't show_

_Then you owe me, owe me, owe_

Then Jay and silent Bob look at each other, wait scratch that, Gaara and Kankurou look at each other, and Gaara continues,

_My jungle love, yeah_

_Owe-ee, owe-ee, owe_

_I think I want to know ya, know ya_

Then Gaara stops singing, noticing the curious looks on Kiba's and Shino's faces. "Yeah, what?" Garra ask them.

Kiba then speaks up, "What the hell are you singing?"

"You don't know 'Jungle Love'?" Gaara ask the two, "That is the mad notes. Written by God herself, and sent down to the greatest band in the world: The mother-freakin Time."

"You mean the guys in the Prince movie?" Shino questioned.

"Yeah, Purple Rain." Kiba replied.

"Man that was so gay, freakin eighties style." After this remark by Shino, Gaara, using his shukaku hand, smashed the bug boys head against the wall, instantly crushing his skull and killing him.

"Yo man just gimme my weed." Kiba said as Gaara gladly obliged.

"_I was gonna clean my room_

_But then I got high"_

"WTF was that?" Gaara asked, looking around all nervous.

"_I was gonna find the broom_

_But I got high"_

Kiba quickly informed them, "No worries man, it's just my phone."

"Where you at?" came the familiar voice of Naruto, after Kiba opened his huge, extremely old phone.

"I'm at the Quick Stop, whatchu need?"

"Get to my secret place now, we're doin some re-con work."

"Aight fox-boy I'll be there in a few."

"See ya then man."

"Later."

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_Back to Naruto's POV/ At Naruto's little shack in the middle of the forest_

Knock knock knock

"I'm comin." I shouted to the door as I heard the banging.

Knock knock knock

"I told you I'm comin." I reinterated.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

Just for this I decided to have a little fun, so I put my eye to the peep hole in the door, and dog-kid did exactly as I thought he would. Kiba put his eye right up to the peep hole, you know how when you spend so much time at the door, you, for some reason, put your eye to the outside of the peep hole, and right when he did it I knocked the door open as hard as I could.

The only downside is I broke his nose, so we fixed it up real quick and we were finally back on track.

"Ok so what did you call me here for?" The boy standing opposite me asked.

"Well, moron, if you were in the know, you would know, that the girls were meeting for lunch today." I replied.

"So?" He asked.

"Yet another foolish question, from a foolish mind. Well, I guess you don't know what girls talk about when they get together." I answered the idiotic question, not being able to imagine the moronetics (1) used for the next question.

"And pretell what that is."

"Ok you goddamn, freaking… ug… stupid" obviously I had run out of insults so I just winged it, "They talk about boys, rate them on the hotty scale, play marry, screw, and kill…" at this I was cut off.

"What's marry, screw, and kill?"

"Damn man, do I have to talk you through everything, like a movie or a really stupid story?" For some reason we looked around as if for a camera, or someone watching us. "Well marry, screw, and kill is a game men or women can play, but men aren't really allowed to play because it's "sexist", because it's "judging women on their looks". But all that aside, it is a game where a woman picks three male specimens, and ask another woman which one she would marry, which one she would screw, and which one she would kill." I replied.

"Ok I get it… would you explain it to me again?"

After a long sigh and an hour of explaining he… well he still didn't understand, but we decided to just continue with the plan. "Ok look I got hidden cameras all over the village hooked up to my computer, so we can watch anyone at anytime."

"Why the hell do you have hidden cameras all over the village?" Kiba asked me.

"Is all you can do is ask questions? Well when I was little an got the crap kicked out of me, I was plotting to destroy the village but because of my A.D.D. I gave up on that. Shut up here they come."

I watched as Hana, Hinata, Tenten, Ino, Sakura, and Temari filed into the restaurant, sat down and ordered. Then Tenten spoke up. "Ok guys it's time to play the game." And all the girls cheered. "Just we aren't allowed to use Naruto, or else we all know what the outcome would be. Hinata you're first. Let's see. Chouji, Kiba, and, oh Kankurou, yeah him."

"Well let's see, we got a fat boy, a pervert, and… I have no idea what to call Kiba. Well I guess I would…"

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(1) Moronetics: the science of being a fool/ moron/ idiot

Sorry guys I gotta call it here. It's 5:40 in the morning, but this chapter was my little tribute to the great Kevin Smith. If you can tell me the names of the main characters in Clerks and Clerks 2 you get extra awesomeness points, and I'm sorry if I sounded sexist. All that aside, I want to thank you for boosting me to thirty reviews. Till next time, remember don't bad mouth Jay and Silent Bob becase they will come to your house and beat the shit out of you.


	7. Da Mandatory Spying on the Girls chapter

I know what you're thinking, "OMFGWTFROFLMFAO, He's updating so soon." Well I was in the mood but for those of you cunfoosed aboot Gaara singing, like I said, I got my inspiration from jay and silent bob strike back, it's the beginning of the movie. But I have decided that, like Kevin Smith, Gaara and Kankurou will be regular characters in the serious as Gaara and silent Kankurou. Well let's get on with the tastiness, YUM.

I once owned Naruto but one day the most ruthless organization ever took it from me. More power-hungry than Akatsuki and even more evil than the IRS, it was, DUN DUN DUN, THE GIRLSCOUTS!

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_Two figures approaching the Konoha Moobies_

"Hey man, where is this dealer you were talkin about?" Kisame asked Itachi as they made their way to the fast-food restaurant for some weed and munchies.

"Well," The psychotic Uchiha replied, "I remember that they moved, and they're around here somewhere. Hey there they are." The short man said as they approached Gaara and Kankurou. "Hey man, why is "EAT PUSSY" written on the wall?" He asked Gaara and silent Kankurou.

"Yo man, I think some guy is leaving for Florida today, so he decided to go out with a bang." The red-haired boy replied.

"Whatever, just gimme my weed."

"Fifteen bucks, little man. Put that shit in my hand" The jinchuriki replied.

"Oh yeah, he likes to sing." Itachi informed Kisame.

Kisame looked confused and the spoke, "Yeah, singing stupid songs is totally gay."

"Here ya go. Hey let's grab a bite while we're here." Itachi said, giving the money to the glaring Gaara.

So Kisame and Itachi walked into the Moobies, but had to wait in line, while some guy in front of them, and the guy behind the counter were arguing about Star Wars and Lord of the Rings. "Well, since we have to wait in line, why don't you tell me a little more about that plan of yours?" Kisame asked politely.

"Well man ya see, I launched this gene-altering drug to make Naruto become…" But they were cut off as we pan outside to Gaara and silent Kankurou, because they had just found some good techno music on the radio.

As the song came on Gaara responded with an "Oh" and pulled out his chap-stick and rubbed it on his lips sloppily, and says to an invisible person, "Would you screw me? I would screw me." Then he backed up from the "person" and began to rub his nipples.

With this we go back inside Moobies to where the Lord of the Rings enthusiast was lying, unconscious, on the floor, and Itachi was finishing his statement, "And that's how everything works out so that we get Naruto."

"Man that plan sounds stupid, improbable, and probably impossible, but you know the chance of an improbable plan working is upped by 45 percent in an anime, and upped by 50 percent in a story, so this is almost full-proof." Kisame replied. "Hey man, can I get an, um, an egg-mc-moobie muffin."

"That's what I'm talking about man, yo get me a moobie burger." Itachi said to Kisame and the clerk. "Thanks man."

As the two evil-doers left, the last thing they saw was Gaara wearing silent Kankurou's black coat, holding it out like a cape, wearing nothing but the coat, with his penis tucked between his legs. "Ok that was messed up, I don't usually start seeing things like that till I'm high." Kisame said to Itachi.

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_At Naruto's secret shack in the forest where the two boys are watching the girls on the computer._

"Ok, dog-dunce, let's see how you match up to Chouji and some perverted, silent, drug dealer. Let's watch."

"Well I don't know, I mean Chouji is a nice person, always jolly and has a good appetite so he would never really care how bad I cooked. Kankurou is perverted, and a mute, but he is a strong fighter, and if we were to marry, or make whoopee and have a child it would strengthen the bond between Konoha and Suna. And Kiba is… well…um… Kiba is my team-mate." Hinata stated to the pack of girls.

"Yeah take that Naruto, you'll never get to be her team-mate." Kiba said, cockily, to me, while I sweat-dropped.

"Well I guess I would marry…"

"LADIES, LADIES, LADIES, GAARA AND SILENT KANKUROU ARE IN THE HIZOUSE."

"What the hell are those two stoners doing there?" I asked, well nobody in particular, because Kiba, he decided, was too dumb to converse with.

"Hey," Kiba said to me, "Have you noticed today how those two have been popping up in random places doing stupid things?"

"Kiba I kinda figured I would never say this, but damnit you're right."

"Hey, you shouldn't be eating that crap." Gaara said to the group of girls, "It makes girls fart."

"Damnit Gaara," Temari said, "Girls don't fart. I've told you that a million times."

"Yo whatever sis, I got things to do, later girls. Come on lunchbox." Silent Kankurou quietly went along with Gaara, and throughout the day they had many shenanigans.

"I don't know what that was about." Ino said, "But they seriously freak me out."

"Try livin with 'em, but forget them, what is it Hinata, who would you marry, screw, and kill?"

"Well, I guess I would marry Chouji, and sorry Temari, but I would screw Kiba, ad kill Kankurou."

At this, the boy beside me was going wild with glee, not realizing that he just barely beat a perverted, drug-dealing mute.

"Temari I just couldn't take silent sex, and Kiba would at least howl or some stupid shit like that."

"It's cool Hinata, dinner at our house sucks, because it's so quiet." The Suna kunoichi replied.

"But Gaara is always so loud." Tenten stated.

"Well Gaara is only loud when he's in Konoha, because I think the great pot growing conditions is why they call it the hidden leaf in the first place, but Kankurou is always quiet, because he is such an expendable character."

"Ooooooh." Said all the girls, happy to be enlightened.

As the game continued, the regular pairings came up, you know Sakura/Sasuke, Ino/chouji, Temari/Shikamaru, etc. But for some reason Kiba was always the one they killed.

"Well there ya go, moron" I said, "All the girls killed you but one, are you happy?"

"Hell yeah, anyways those girls couldn't kill me if they tried." He replied cockily, "Men are naturally stronger than women."

"You damn idiot, any girl could kick your ass, and boys are not naturally stronger than girls, you sexist bastard." I told him irritably, while he crawled into a corner and cried, having known what I said to be true.

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_At Ichiraku ramen_

"There we go blondie, eighty three beef ramen to go." The old man told me over the sound of boiling ramen, and clanging pots.

"Thanks old man." I said as I left for my home, but that's when I saw Hana running at me, locking lips with me before I could say anything.

"Hey Naruto." She said to me as our lips parted, "How are you today?"

"I've been better, my eyes have been stinging like a bitch today, but I feel good now." I told her. She then moved right in front of me and looked directly into my eyes.

She then gave me her analysis, "They seem a little red, you might want to get that checked out."

"Yeah I'll probably talk to Oba-chan later." I told the dog girl, and that's when I got the thought, 'How the hell is the sister of a complete moron, so beautiful and smart?' I pushed the thought to the back of my mind as she spoke up.

"I really enjoyed myself the other night Naruto, I was curious if we could do it again?"

"Yeah sure how about tomorrow night?" I asked the girl.

"That sounds great Naru-kun, pick me up at seven." She said as she turned around and left.

"I'll be there." I yelled to the departing figure of the Inuzuka girl. "Now," I said to myself, "Time for me to eat some ramen."

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There you have it another chapter of Dr. Feelgood, I hope you enjoyed, yadda-yadda-yadda. I have no idea when the next chapter will be out or if anyone is still reading this, but I wanna send some awesomeness points to Midnight angel of darkness. Well drop me some reviews. L2 OUT.


	8. God this chapter sucks

Yo yo yo I be back with some tastiness that only includes 2 percent artificial flavoring. Sorry that it took so long for me to update just school is starting back up and it been crazy, but let's get off that low note and start the story. Snoogins.

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_At a small restaurant on the edge of town_

Me and Hana were talking about life and relationships as we ate. "So what do you look for in a girl?" She asked me.

"Well" I replied, "I want a girl that isn't afraid to be herself. One that isn't a boy crazy fan-girl." I recognized the weird look that spread across her face so I explained, "Me, Sasuke, Neji, Itachi, and even Gaara have what are called fan-girls, which is a girl that wants to be with us because some show or something. But I want a girl who's life doesn't revolve around trying to be what a guy wants."

"And may I ask, why you don't want a girl to be what you want?" She asked me.

"Well, of course, I do want a girl to be what I want, but I think a girl should be what a guy wants, because that's who she is, not who she has to be to get what she wants."

"Then tell me" She took a short pause, "What do you want?" She asked looking at me seductively.

"Umm" This question hit me like a brick wall. I mean she was just supposed to be a one night thing, never anything real, but that's when I realized, I had grown feelings for her. The hard thing was that I still harbored feelings for Hinata. What could I do? I had no idea so I just went along with what I felt was right. "I want a strong fighter, a great lover, and red face paint." I said giving her a wink, while she blushed like crazy.

Unbeknownst to me, a certain Hyuuga was watching me, get close to the dog-girl.

Like always, I took care of the bill, and after exiting the restaurant and a goodbye kiss we parted ways. As I began to walk down the street, the white-eyed prodigy appeared next to me. "They love you, you know."

"And who is that, Hyuuga?" I asked my fellow ninja with a stone-cold voice. Me and Neji have had "difficulties" in the past, but that's another story.

"You idiot, Hana and Hinata. I would suggest you break it off with the Inuzuka." He said to me.

I stopped and turned to him, "Why is that?"

"Because even thought I don't show it much, I do love my cousin, and if you hurt her" he said as he put a kunai to my throat, "I will kill you. But not before I make you feel pain throughout every part of your body."

"Yeah I know." I replied as I ripped the kunai from my throat, and Neji vanished. This last conversation had left me with quite a good amount to think about. Of course nothing ever can help me think quite like a cup of coffee, so I headed over to this little café that is never too full. As I sat down two familiar figures walked towards me.

"Look at this morose mother-fucker right here, looks like someone shit in his cereal. What's the matter with you?"

"Hey Gaara, take a seat."

"Oh I've seen that look, girl trouble." The red-head said to me.

"Bingo."

"Well who is it, man don't try to leave me out in the blue."

"Hyuuga Hinata and Inuzuka Hana." I replied.

"Oh shit, two girls? Man you always like you have really hard problems, but there's two girls that want to touch your penis? You are such a pussy."

That's when Kankuro finally spoke up, "Dude shut the hell up. What's really goin down blondie?"

"Well at first I just wanted to be with Hinata, but then I started to spend time with Hana and as it turns out I liked her as well."

"Heh, the same thing happened to me before. Two girls named Yma and Alyssa. Everything was going fine until they found out about each other."

"What happened then?" I asked the usually silent guy.

"What else, they made me choose."

"And" said I ready to get to the point of the story.

"I fell in love with them both, but the longer I put off my choice, the more, with a lack of a better word, troublesome things got. I started getting threats from the girls' families and friends. In the end I was so fed up with it I just told them both it was over."

"Kick dem bitches to the curb." Gaara spoke up.

"Man shut up. Sure it was quiet for a while, but then I realized that it had gotten too quiet, so I started spending time with my brother."

"Suna represent."

"Those girls, even though I broke it off, they took a piece of my heart with them. And they never gave it back. I guess my advice to you would be, try to keep it up, but sooner or later they will find out that there is another girl. Try to drift them into it, try and make it so that the idea sounds like it's… okay, I guess would be the best word."

"Thanks man. Well since you're here, you guys want a drink or somethin? My treat."

"Would man, but we got a bus to catch." Gaara told me.

"Where you guys goin?"

"Meh back to Suna."

"Why?"

"Business." He answered.

"Oh, ninja business."

"No, there is no market for our "other business" in Suna. We've spent enough time here to grow a good two months worth of weed."

"Well good luck with that fellas, I got some girls to attend to."

"Thanks man and remember what fatty here said, before you tell them about each other, let them get used to the idea. Snootchie bootchie."

The only thing I didn't know was that the same thing that had happened to me had happened to Hana across town.

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L2: OI LEE PLEASE FORGIVE ME

Lee: I MUSTN'T THIS TIME YOU HAVE GONE TOO FAR

L2: LEE WE MUST FORGIVE OTHERWISE OUR FLAMES OF YOUTH WILL FADE IN A MATTER OF MONTHS!

Lee: I NEED GUIDANCE! WHAT DO YOU THINK KANKUROU!

Kankurou: let me tell you this story about a girl named yma.

Lee: I MIGHT FORGIVE YOU IF EVERONE ELSE THINKS THIS CHAPTER IS BETTER THAN I DID!

Please everyone lee won't forgive me unless I can prove that this chapter didn't completely suck (even though it did) so please review. Yet again I am sorry that this chapter was soooooo bad ima try to update soon so please don't stop reading. If anyone can tell me the movie in which the Gaara and silent Kankurou scene came from you get… AWESOMENESS POINTS YAY.

The main thing I did that I didn't like was how I had to portray Neji in this chapter, please see my profile to see what I mean.

I have also joined an rpg group if anyone wants to get to know me better I am in there as Kankurou, but you now call him silent Kankurou. Check it out we are in NEED of more members so if you know how to rp join. There is a link to join in my profile under my recliner of rage.

I promise that the next chapter will be worth reading.

L2 OUT!

L2: LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE


	9. GIRL FIGHT!

Oh yeah, I am back. Sorry that it's been so long since an update, but just after I updated last time Microsoft word started actin all crazy, but never fear, I have fixed it. Inumaru-kun, you were right that the quote was in J&SB strike back, but it originated in Chasing Amy, so half points. I also realized that the thing I'm doing with Itachi has been done to hell and back, but I think I've found a way to make it original. So without further ado, I present you with Dr. Feelgood Chapter 9.

I could have owned Naruto, but I wasted all my one point sixty-five billion dollars on youtube. (Side note, I don't own youtube)

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_The shopping district in Konoha_

'I never thought I would find somebody like him.' Thought a young Inuzuka as she walked down the street.

"Hey girl watch where your walking." Said an old man as Hana ran into him. "You need to get your head out of the clouds and focus a little more."

"Gomen- nasai." She replied to the old man's rude assumptions. A week ago she would have kicked his ass, but since she met Naruto, she felt, more, bubbly. She folded her hands together and rested her head on them as she walked. "Awww, I can't wait to see him again."

"W-who is that Hana." Came a shy voice from the girl's right.

"O-oh Hinata, you startled me." Said the girl as she put her hand of her chest. "I was talking about Naruto before you came here." And as the words came out of her mouth she could swear that she saw Hinata flinch.

Hinata (as you all know) was a girl that would roll with the punches and take life as it was given to her, but the one thing she would not let anyone take from her was Naruto. "Um Hana, w-would you mind b-backing off of Naruto-kun?"

"What?" She asked, wide-eyed. She had never gotten to know the girl she was talking to, but she did know that this was not like Hinata. "Why should I back off of Naruto?"

"Because I-I've cared about him for s-so long. I l-love h-him."

"Hinata I love him too." The girl said bashfully. "I never knew that I would feel this way about someone."

"But I loved him first." Hinata said desperately. She felt as if she was fighting an uphill battle, there was no logic she could use to convince this girl to drop Naruto. "I'll fight you for him." She said before thinking.

Hana dropped into her fighting stance, right in the middle of the street, "Alright, if this will settle this, then let's do it." Then she realized something, 'Oh shit where is Kysha?' She let out an extremely high pitched whistle. 'I should be able to hold off this girl until Kysha gets h- ugh.' Before she even realized it, Hinata had activated her Byakugan, and struck her in the stomach, with a Jyuken strike.

The girl quickly recovered, and was back on her feet running at the girl with a kunai in hand. 'I know Naruto-kun won't be happy about this, but I hope he can forgive me.' Thought Hinata as she side-stepped the slash and swept the girl's legs out from under her. The Hyuuga jumped on top of the girl, ready to administer the fight-ending blow. "Please, Hana-san, give up. I don't want to hurt you."

The dog trainer was at a loss for words, in her current situation, but then a grin spread across the length of her face. "This fight isn't over Hinata." She said the confused looking girl. "You forget that when I fight, I don't fight alone. Kysha attack!" (AN if you haven't realized it by now, I named Hana's dog kysha)

The dog tackled the girl off of her master and pinned her to the ground. "I think it's you who should be giving up right about now."

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"When did they start charging for the bus." Gaara asked his silent companion as they walked down some random road in the shopping district. "Didn't we used to ride that shit to school for free?"

Kankuro just shrugged as they continued walking away from the bus station. In reality he knew well that they charged for the bus, but he thought that Gaara had at least enough to pay for it.

Gaara started, "Well I guess that we're gonna be stuck he-" But he stopped as he noticed two girls fighting in the middle of the shopping district. "Oh, damn," He said as he jumped behind Kankuro, "Go get em tons of fun."

Kankuro jumped into action as he ripped out two scrolls and summoned Karasu and Kuroari. After just pulling a few strings, the girls were tied up in puppet. The silent drug peddler lifted the puppets just above the ground, as to not scrape the wood. He didn't feel like having to sand down an entire puppet just because the things feet got scratched. But when he pulled the puppets off the ground, he noticed a dog standing a few feet away from him that was growling at him. The dog started to charge the man restraining his master.

Kankuro cringed and closed his eyes, bracing himself for the incoming dog, but he then heard the dog let out a "whelp" and slowly opened his eyes. "Don't worry lunchbox, I've got ya." Gaara said, "You wuss." He said under his breath. Kankuro glared at his brother before realizing that he had captured the dog in his sand. "Hey lunchbox, I think I know these girls. Wait, these are the ones that Naruto was talking about! Well I guess we better take them to him, he could probably convince them to stop fighting."

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_Back to the normal POV_

After talking with Gaara, well actually with Kankuro, I had some things to think about, so I decided to head home. Maybe a slight nap would help me out. Sure I could get one girl, that would be easy, but I felt that if I only chose one, it just wouldn't be right. There were some things in both of the girls, that I couldn't imagine living without. Before I realized it, I had arrived at my apartment. I slowly slid my key into the slot on the door. I tured the small piece of metal, and opened the door, only to be greeted by total darkness.

"Welcome home little brother." Said a menacing voice, "It's good to see you again."

"Damnit Itachi, why do you always have to be so dramatic?"

"Shut up Kisame, I had this all planned out and you ruined it. You are such a bastard, I mean we can never just do things how I want to do them. This was even my plan, so don't mess with my plans damnit."

I was curious who it was, even though I had it figured out already. I flipped the small switch on the wall by the door, and, surprise surprise, it was Itachi and Kisame. "So can you go ahead and explain why you called me little brother?" I said, completely uninterested in everything that was happening.

"Well, you see, ever since your little performance the other night at the restaurant, I have decided that you were to be my little brother."

"And?" I said impatiently.

"I'm getting there, don't interrupt me! You see ever since that night, I have been pumping in a gene-altering chemical that would make you an official Uchiha."

I just looked at him like he was crazy. "So, um whaturname, blue guy, did he, like put himself under his own genjutsu?"

Itachi let out a small chuckle, "Don't believe me, look in the mirror."

Just so I could get this asshole out of my house I went to the mirror, but I was greeted by a shocking sight: My eyes had turned red, with a small black comma. "What the, but, how?" I asked.

"Just as I told you before, you are now my brother, therefore you have the clans abilities. You are an Uchiha."

With what felt like instinct, I closed my newfound sharingan. So this is the redness Hana was talking about the other day.

"Now come with me little brother, and with your powers, we shall get many women, and repopulate our clan!"

"No I don't think I will."

"Well come on man, I kinda just gave you one of the strongest tools a ninja could possess."

"No, now leave me alone."

"But, I, uh, this is bullshit. Come on Kisame, we're leaving."

"Well that was all for nothing."

"Shut up Kisame."

I slammed the door behind them as they left my apartment. 'Maybe I could finally get a nap in now, or that was what I thought until I heard a knock at my door. With a groan I got up and answered the door.

"Ruto man, noochee noochee." Said Gaara as he entered my apartment.

'Great now what do these guys want?'

"Look man," said Gaara as he turned to me, "we found a few girls fighting in the shopping district."

"First of all, I thought you were going back to Suna, and secondly, what does this have to do with me?"

"Well there was bus trouble, but, um, about the girls, well you'll see. Bring em in fatass." He said to his brother, and I was shocked when I saw that the two girls that were wrapped up in Kankuro's puppet, were Hinata and Hana.

Kankuro slowly let the girls lose from the puppets as I began to question the girls. "What were you two fighting about?" I asked them, with neither of them willing to meet my eyes with theirs.

"Well, um, N-naruto-kun, we, we were fighting over you." Said Hinata.

"What do you mean you were fighting over me?" I said, outraged at the girls.

Hana decided to field this one, "Well Naruto-kun, we both wanted you, so we fought to see which one of us should step down and let the other go after you."

"You don't have to fight, we could all three be together." I said optimistically, only to be greeted by dumb looks.

"W-what?" Hinata asked me, apparently shocked.

"I'm sorry Naruto-kun," Hana started, "But you have to choose between us!"

I was heartbroken. How was I supposed to choose between the two of them? "How am I supposed to choose? I care about you both, and I couldn't imagine living without one of you."

"We'll let you think it over for a few days, and when you make your decision, call us." Said Hana, as she headed for the door. "I'm truly sorry Naruto-kun."

"G-goodbye N-naruto-kun." Said Hinata as she left my apartment.

"We'll see ya later man." Said Gaara as he headed for the door, "I wish it would have turned out better for you. Call me if you need anything."

Kankuro walked up to me next, and put his hands on my shoulders. "Don't worry man, it'll work out for you, I have a good feeling about this situation."

"Thanks man." I said giving him a small smile, "I hope your right."

Kankuro gave a slight nod of his head, turned around, and headed out. "I better get some sleep." I said to myself, "It's been a long day."

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_About one A.M. in the morning_

I was having a hard time sleeping, until about three hours ago, when I finally nodded off. I wasn't having dreams about the girls, and the impact this single choice would have on my life. That is until,

_I never meant to be so bad to you_

"What the?" I said to myself as I climbed out of my bed to see what was going on.

_One thing I said that I would never do_

I walked out onto the balcony of my apartment, only to see Itachi holding a boombox above his head.

_One look from you and I would fall from grace_

_And that would wipe the smile right from my face_

"Please little bro, come with me, and we can repopulate the clan."

"No, now go away and let me sleep!"

"Never!" He replied so I grabbed a baseball off of the floor, and beamed him right in the head. "Asshole!"

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Sorry if it stopped making since towards the end, but I think that it, at least wasn't as bad as the last chapter. Well I think this story only has a few chapters left, but I'm thinking about making a series of doctor feelgood, with all of the characters and various pairing. Please leave a review and tell me what you think. So until the next time we meet, Fonzee be with you. L2.


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